I admit it, I can’t pee in public bathrooms. I don’t know why but when somebody walks in, I freeze up and then stand there for the next ten minutes looking like an idiot.

Now personally I wouldn’t call it a medical condition, but the big pharmaceutical companies seem to think that it is and they’re working hard to cure me.

Worldwide, there are over 200 million people who suffer from the inability to urinate in public bathrooms, where as there are only 33 million people with AIDS, 8 million people dying of cancer, and 4 milion people who suffer from Parkinson’s disease. It’s hard to imagine that my stage fright could come before the real medical attentions of others, but the sad truth is that drug companies have figured out that the cost for finding a cure for a life threatening disease far exceeds the financial gains that can come from it.

So they do the next best thing, they invest in treatments. Maintenance medicine designed to keep terminal patients hooked on drugs that prolong their life until death inevitably sets in.

And while tens of millions of people continue to die, the real money is pumped into viagra, botox, breast implants, liposuction, and skinny pills.

So for all you men out there who can’t pee in public bathrooms, don’t worry, a cure is coming.

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