Thank God For Ambien
It’s two in the morning and so far I’ve swigged half a bottle of Robitussin and popped enough Sudafed to start a meth lab, and still I can’t breathe. And to make matters worse, all I want to do is sleep but everytime I close my eyes I think of that damn second grade school teacher who invented Airborne.
Airborne is an herbal formula that is supposed to boost your immune system and help your body combat germs. According to the label, it was invented by a former second grade school teacher who was constantly exposed to germs in the classroom.
All I know is that when I was in the second grade, I learned how to polish rocks and spell words like “cheese.” Needless to say, I don’t think that it takes a superior intellect to teach a room full of seven year olds.
Which is why I find it hard to believe that this teacher invented a magic pill that could keep me from getting sick. Of course, I say that after I spent the last month pounding giant glasses of fizzy yellow water.
Now I could stay up all night berating my own stupidity, but thank god for Ambien. In two minutes, I’ll be fast asleep forgetting that I was ever sick to begin with. Truly a magic pill.
