Fan Club Letter
Dear Jamie Lynn Spears,
You don’t know me, and up until recentley I didn’t know you past the fact that you were Britney’s little sister.
Personally, I didn’t think that you would ever be able to step from your sister’s dysfunctional shadow. But you really proved me wrong. I have to say, when your mom sold you out for one million dollars and announced to the world that you were pregnant, I was really impressed.
I mean what a genius play to build a name for yourself. I don’t know if your mom came up with that on her own or if it was a collaboration with your publicist, but I tell you ever since it happened, I have been glued to following your life in People Magazine, US Weekly, In Touch, Pop Sugar, Extra, and Vanity Fair.
That is why I’m writting. I want to congratulate you for passing your GED exam. You are a high school graduate! Your sister must be soooo jealous. I mean what does she have two kids, a third supposedly on the way, and she didn’t even graduate the tenth grade. It’s almost as if she never even left Louisiana.
But you must be the pride of the family. For that matter, the pride of Louisiana. Did you know that Louisiana is one of the lowest ranked states for high school graduates? And one of the highest ranked states in teen pregnancies. And here you are a graduate and pregnant. That is something to be really proud of.
Anyway I just wanted to touch base, congratulate you, and tell you that I look forward to reading all about you in the years to come.
Your friend and fan,
-dylan
P.S.
Since your sister already did the whole psych ward thing it would be really cool if you spiraled out of control and became a white trash meth head and get arrested for stealing cases of sudafed from Wal Mart. But that’s just a suggestion.
