Preparing for Death: Part 1
Emergency contact, a will, cremation or burial, and deciding who among your friends to choose for a Porn Buddy are among the big decisions to make before you die.
For the most part, I don’t think about death. But as I learned last October when I got struck head on by a minivan while riding my bicycle, life is uncertain. There are no guarantees that I’ll make it to old age.
Which is why it’s important to prepare for the worst. So that when you’re gone other people will know who to call, what to do, and how to prevent awkward scenarios from occurring.
I have in my apartment a stack of porn. Some are dvds like Girl Power, Travel Sluts, and the Jenna Jameson anthology set. Others are homemade. I know I should probably just throw them all out. They’re antiquated. It’s all about the Internet. But I can’t toss them. I cling to them like an old teddy bear whose seems are torn and eyes have fallen off. They’re a part of me.
Which is why I need to appoint a Porn Buddy. In the event of my death, a porn buddy is the friend who will run to my apartment and clear out all my porn before my mother gets there.
Because if I died, the last thing my mother needs to discover is that her son was a perverted, sex-crazed fiend.
So Geoff, I hear by make you my official Porn Buddy. Congratulations.
