One Reason to Move to Guam
Growing up, when it came to sports I was always good enough to make the team. I never got picked last, but I was never great.
Any ambition I ever had of playing college sports or turning pro and signing a lucrative Nike deal for hundreds of millions of dollars was dashed when I realized that my Jewish lineage prevented me from being able to slam dunk a basketball, run a four-two-forty, or throw a football sixty yards for the game winning touchdown.
But my children won’t have that problem. My children will be Olympic athletes.
And it’s not because I’m going to procreate with a seven foot Swedish woman who will spawn off freakishly large Viking Jews.
It’s because my kids are going to be born in Guam, the Islands of Somoa, or any other miniscule country with a non-existent population that participates in the Olympics even though they shouldn’t participate in the Olympics.
In Guam my kids can be anything they want to be.
In Guam, they can shine.
In Guam, they can be Olympians.
