There are 450 thousand words in the English language. The average American knows 1,500 words. I’d like to think that I’m above average. That when it comes to words, I know more than a few. But maybe I don’t. maybe I’m just average.

So I bought a Webster’s Dictionary, popped an Adderall, and sat down at my kitchen table intent on figuring it out.

I started with the letter “A.” Right off the bat I knew that an Aardvark was an African anteater.

Score! 1 point for me.

Abacus. Score! 2 points.

20 minutes pass.

I’m halfway through “A.”

I don’t know what Anti-Christ means.

I think it’s the devil. It’s not.

I can’t continue on.

I’m just average.

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