CNN is the Catastrophe News Network. Its entire reputation is based on promoting impending death, destruction, and the coming apocalypse. 24 hours a day, Wolf Blitzer and his team of experts instill fear into people. Everyday on CNN it is the end of the world.

Which is why this morning, when I turned on my television, I knew that this time, the apocalypse was near.

CNN whose entire reputation is based on fear was telling people not to panic. Telling people that everything was going to be okay. There was good news. Pending home sales shot up in August. And unemployment had remained steady at 6 percent. They told viewers to ignore the fact that the DOW Jones Industrial Average closed down 400 points on Monday. 500 points on Tuesday. And 200 points today.

Don’t worry about the economy. Focus on the election.

Maybe it’s because it’s that the end is near or just that today is the start of Yum Kippur, but I’m feeling very religious.

I’ve rediscovered my faith.

I want to be a good Jew.

I’m going to go temple. I’m going to pray. And I’m going to put a save Isreal bumper sticker on the back of my car.

Oh, who am I kidding?

G-d’s never going to believe me.

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