I’m on overload. There are too many games. The Giants and The Niners. The Cowboys and The Rams. The Steelers and the The Bengals. Every channel I turn to there’s another game. And I want to watch them all. I want to sit on my couch for the next twelve hours and take in every play, every pass, every touchdown, and every game won or lost. And yet, I can’t. It’s too much for my brain to process.

I’m an Iraqi prisoner in Abu Ghraib strapped to a couch and forced to watch endless amounts of television.

I blame Direct TV. I blame the NFL Package. I blame the all you can eat football buffet.

I’m nauseous.

My eyes are strained.

My head hurts.

My brain won’t work.

My feet won’t move.

I’m a poltergeist victim sucked into my television and forced to watch game after game after game.

Somebody, make it stop.

Make Sunday end.

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