What’s Your Superpower?
Heroes was on last night. Which left me wondering if I had a superpower, what would it be?
When I was a kid, I used to dream about having superpowers. I wanted to fly, read other people’s minds, move giant objects with just the touch of my finger. but now that I’m older, superpowers don’t seem as practical.
I wouldn’t want to fly because I’d never be able to fly. I’d freak people out. And then the government would catch me, throw me in a box and dissect me in some secret underground bunker like Area 51.
I thought being invisible would be cool but then I realized, I’d have to be barefoot and naked all the time. And I don’t want to be the naked guy who gets shot trying to rob a bank because I didn’t realize that the money I’m stealing isn’t invisible also.
And reading people’s minds is definitely out of the question. I’m disturbed by my own thoughts , let alone having to listen to the guy on the bus next to me secretly complain that his ass itches because he ran out of toilet paper and had to use his girlfriend’s maxi pad to wipe.
Superhuman strength sounded good until I realized that all my friends are always going to call me to help them move.
And while I really liked the idea of turning things into gold, it’s not very convenient. Because lets say I turn my desk into gold. Then what? I have to mail it to the guy on the gold kit commercial and wait for him to tell me it’s only worth 10 cents. No Thank You.
Which leads me to my final conclusion that superhero powers are really impractical and not a lot of fun.
Which is why I decided that if I had any superpower I would want to be able to instantly tattoo people. That way if some girl happened to give me gonnorhea, I could tattoo, “Dirty Slut” across her face. Or maybe I could give Rush Limbaugh a cute little lower back tattoo.
Sure it’s not the sexiest superpower but certainly it’s a lot of fun.
