The Week
A lot of things happened this week. Most of which I can’t remember because I spent the better part of yesterday downing one pint of beer after another until I lost control of all my motor skills, claimed my shamrock, and then passed out in a taxi.
And so now I’m on my couch. I can’t leave my apartment. I need to be close to the bathroom. I have an internal plumbing problem. 15 pints of beer and now I understand why old people wear diapers.
All I want to do is pop an ambien and pretend this day never existed. But I’m scared I’ll fall asleep and shit myself. I don’t have many rules but I’m pretty sure that grown men shouldn’t shit themselves in bed is one of them.
Maybe there’s a reason I don’t have a girlfriend.
How do I get myself into these situations?
That’s a rhetorical question that doesn’t need to be answered.
I’d like to wish my sister a happy birthday.
I’m sure at this moment, she’s really proud of me.
