The Real Unemployment Crisis
In my entire life, I’ve only signed one petition, it was to end the ban on lap dances in Los Angeles strip clubs. I signed it 30 times.
Since that time, I feel that everywhere I turn, I am beseeched by some granola eating activist whose only concept of a shower is to douse themselves with a concoction of petroli oil and marijuana fumes.
It’s gotten to the point, that I can’t walk into a Starbucks without a clipboard being jammed into my face to save the environment, the Arctic, impeach Bush, have him tried for war crimes, save the whales, end puppy mills, and keep gay men from having sex with farm animals in public places.
And all I want is a fucking coffee. It’s not enough anymore to just put your head down and casually walk by as if they didn’t exist. They stand in your way and spew back handed insults in the form of compliments like “Thank you for your time” when they really mean to say “wow, you’re a fucking asshole and I hope the polar caps melt, and you and your entire family drown.”
And truthfully, I thought that once Obama was elected and Bush was out, all these pseudo righteous kids who could have just as easily been swayed to drink cyanide laced Kool-Aid would have disappeared.
But they didn’t. They were bolstered by his win. And now I’m afraid that with unemployment skyrocketing, they’re going to multiply. Stand on every corner. Clipboards and microphones in hand believing that supporting a cause is more important than having a job.
And I’m scared, because I’m never going to be able to buy another cup of coffee.
Which is why we need to fix the unemployment problem.
