Dear Internet Porn,

It’s been 10 years since we first met. I was just a kid out of college, ready to embark on the world and explore my sexuality. And you were there, young, eager and ready to indulge my desires.

Through the years you showed me things that I had never seen before, and you brought to life my wildest fantasies of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton.

For 10 years I played by your rules. I always made sure that we were alone. I erased my browsing history, installed spam blockers, and even when my computer crashed, I protected you.

But that wasn’t good enough for you. You wanted all of my time. And I wouldn’t give it. So you pushed harder, pulling me deeper into your perverse world of sexual fetishes and erotic novelties until eventually you turned on me and tried to get me fired.

My parents warned me against you, but I didn’t believe them. I stood up for you, defended you. But they were right, you are truely dark, twisted, and demented. Because of you, I have seen things that I never wanted to see. Things that repulsed and scared me. And what’s worse, I nearly got fired because I couldn’t explain to my boss 2 Girls 1 Cup, Lemon Party, Kids in Sandbox, and Sourmath.

(USE EXTREME CAUTION BEFORE OPENING — And remember when in doubt, Ctrl-Alt-Delete)

I thought I could trust you, but you’ve changed Internet Porn, and because of it, I can no longer have you in my life.

Your Friend,

-dylan

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