Don’t Be Afraid
Six months ago, I was struck head on by a mini van while riding my bicycle in East Hampton, NY. My bicycle split into five pieces, one of those pieces went through my right leg, and then I did a flip off the bicycle so that my back went through the car’s windshield and then I rolled off onto the street, where I remained bloody and bruised until the ambulance came and took me to the hospital.
As a result of the accident, I could barely walk. I had 30 staples in my right leg, and I tore my PCL off the bone (a ligament in the knee). All in all, those were minor injuries considering the severity of the accident.
After the accident, I swore that I would never ride another bicycle again.
When I was younger, I made a similar promise to myself. I was 14, and I was swimming in the ocean, and the undertow pulled me too far out. Even though I was a strong swimmer, the entire time I struggled to make it back to the beach, I thought that I was going to drown and die. After that, I swore that I would never swim again.
At first, I just avoided swimming. I didn’t go into the pool and I didn’t go into the ocean. But as each summer passed and a new one began, I no longer casually avoided the water, I grew to fear it. And what started out as “I don’t want to swim” transformed itself into a fear of boats, jet skis, and anything else that had to do with the water. To the point that to this day, I am terrified of all water activities.
Which is why six months after my bike accident, I realized that I couldn’t avoid riding a bicycle. Because that avoidance would transform itself into another crippling fear. Maybe it wouldn’t be just bikes. I might become afraid to drive a car for fear that I’m going to hit a bicyclist. And then I might become afraid to cross the street, walk on roads, look at roads. Because that is the real problem with fear, one fear begets another, until you eventually wind up in an entirely different place then you originally anticipated.
So the picture above is the bike that I just bought. And today, I’m going on my first ride since the accident. And as much as I’m afraid to do it, I’m going to keep doing it until I conquer that fear because in this life, the only thing that stands in our way is ourselves.
This is one of the best posts you’ve made since I subscribed a few weeks ago.
Your comments about fear begetting fear got me thinking about my slowly emerging social anxiety. Now that I think about it, it sure feels exponential how one sour relationship became 2, became 5, etc, and all through increasing fears of isolation and social dismissal. I don’t know how to exactly face my social surroundings now like you can face your bicycle or the diving board, since it’s mostly all in my head. And yet life goes on, hah.
Well, thanks for keeping these observations going. I like the occasional mix in of introspection. Have a good one!
Awww… this is my favorite post ever. You’ll be great. Riding a bike again is like… well, riding a bike.