Guys do strange things when they’re in love. They kill each other, they kill themselves, and some even leave all their money to a Thai hooker that they met in a karaoke club in Bangkok.

It’s all part of the simple truths of being a man. We know that our penises won’t grow, our hair will eventually fall out, and that women are capable of making us do just about anything.

Now as far as men are concerned, there aren’t many codes among us. Sleeping with your best friend’s girlfriend certainly seems like it would be a violation, but the truth is that she was probably a slut anyway.

Sure, it might seem chauvinistic and cynical, but once you’ve thrown up on your best friend, anything seems possible.

Which brings me to why men should never carve “I Love You” in bathrooms.

For most men, it would seem to be a given, that the men’s room, with it’s foul stench, urine stained floors, and cheap cologne should never be sullied with the lofty sentiments of love.

It is our one sacred place in this entire world where women are not trying to get into. They are repulsed by it. Which makes it, a true Men’s Only Club.

So to Jack, who desecrated the wall in the men’s bathroom at the Ye Rustic Inn — Seriously, find a tree, buy her a star, but if I catch you carving one more message, I will fuck you up.

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