I woke up this morning on an aero bed in the middle of my sister’s living room. Aero beds make me depressed because I realize that someone has made tens of millions of dollars selling inflatable pool floats as beds. I want to invent something.

For ten minutes I concentrate as hard as I can to think of some shitty little product I can invent and then sell for millions. But all I can think about are shitty little products that other people have invented like the Aqua globes my sister has burried in the pots of her plants. The Shamwow she has in her kitchen. And then it hits me, I think my sister is a QVC junkie. If only I could get her an autographed picture of Billy Mays for Christmas.

Ten minutes pass, and I’ve come to the sad realization that I’m not going to be a great inventor.

My sister looms in the living room, every couple of minutes she shows me a different wedding picture. She’s giving them as Christmas gifts to all her relatives. All of the sudden my brother in law seems really generous for regifting the ipod shuffle.

The good news is that since she’s my older sister, and sets the bar, it means the standard on gift giving this year is fairly low. I think a moment about what I might get her, and then I turn on the television and decide that whichever infomercial comes on first, I’ll buy her.

Car commercial, car commercial, old spice swagger, and the 10 day All Bran Challenge. I change the channel, nothing. I change it again, nothing. She shows me another wedding picutre. Regifts a picture frame from her desk. Another car commercial, and then, yes, the perfect gift.

The Historic Victory Obama Plate! And it’s only $19.99!!!

Limited Edition. Collectors Item. Something for her to cherish for years to come.

Merry Christmas.

-dylan

Oh, and just to clarify some thing, I didn’t hook up with the girl who steals food from the company fridge.

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